


Facing Backwards [Audio]

by ZoeBug



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: (sort of), Angst, Character Study, Companion Piece for, Existential Angst, Existentialism, Extended Metaphors, Fake Episode, First Hephaestus Mission, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Mini Episode 3: Variations on a Theme, Modeled very much on Lovelace's mini episode, Podfic, Podfic & Podficced Works, Pre-Canon, Set during the first time she was attempting to construct the escape shuttle, Sound Effects and Music, The text is a script - this piece is meant to be listened to in audio, audio, can I tag it that? probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-30
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-13 05:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7964845
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZoeBug/pseuds/ZoeBug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"You, fragile human in your smallness and your insignificance, are nothing more than an afterthought."</em>
</p><p>In the wake of her crew's deaths and in the midst of her first attempt to construct an escape shuttle, Captain Lovelace reflects on the nature of time, perspective, and hindsight.<br/><br/>Companion piece to "Mini Episode 3: Variations on a Theme."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Facing Backwards [Audio]

**Author's Note:**

> I absolutely adore Lovelace's Mini Episode, I've been listening to it so much lately - it's beautifully written and performed. I ended up with a boatload of Lovelace feels and had to do something with them.
> 
> I started messing around with a script and this fan-episode-type thing happened. ( ~~I might have been a bit heavy handed with the~~  
>  metaphors/existentialism but this was mostly about experimenting writing for audio & mixing narration with music & sound effects.)
> 
> This piece is from Lovelace's POV and is set after the deaths of the first Hephaestus crew leaving only herself and Dr. Hilbert/Selberg attempting to finish the escape shuttle. It's modeled after and is meant to parallel Lovelace's Mini Episode.

**DOWNLOAD MP3** : [HERE](http://www.mediafire.com/file/p9qe783h3c7t4op/%5BW359%5D_Facing_Backwards.mp3)

 **Length** : 00:09:57

* * *

Disclaimer: I don’t own Wolf 359 or its characters, they belong to the talented folks over [HERE](http://www.wolf359.fm/castandcrew/). The music used was “ _Concern That the Current Course of Action is Vaguely Unethical (Theme for Lovelace)_ ” written by Alan Rodi for the Wolf 359 soundtrack and can be listened to [here](https://soundcloud.com/wolf359radio). Please support the original show & soundtrack. This audio was made for fun and with absolutely **no** intention of making a profit!

* * *

 

INT. - U.S.S HEPHAESTUS, SPACE - TIME

Somewhere...

A tape player button clicks down and "Concern That the Current Course of Action is Vaguely Unethical (Theme for Lovelace)" begins to play.

LOVELACE

People talk about life like it’s a path or a road. Or, maybe a highway, if you’re into rock music. They like to talk about it like it’s something static. Something stationary. Like life is some solid and unmoving thing that stretches from Point A to Point B. Like you are the only thing that moves.

  
She pauses, considering.

LOVELACE (CONT’D)  
     Some people talk about moving _through_ life. That might be a little closer to the truth of it, in my opinion.

  
Lovelace laughs bitterly.

LOVELACE (CONT’D)  
Humans. We’re an arrogant, self-obsessed bunch, aren’t we? Give us a bit of consciousness and some fire and we’re suddenly convinced we can bend the universe around our fingertips.

The music hitches and audibly glitches, rewinding violently for a moment before the tape player button is pressed once more and the music resumes playing as before.

LOVELACE (CONT’D)  
People talk about life like it’s a road.  
(bitterly mocking)  
Like it was something painstakingly cut through the natural state of he world in order to show you the way.

Lovelace scoffs.

A second voice speaks. It’s still Lovelace, but it sounds a little filtered, like she’s speaking over a communicator and from another direction (LEFT). This Lovelace speaks with less weariness and bitterness than the first.

SECOND LOVELACE  
You walk atop it, upright and proud.  
You, mighty human in your enlightenment and your uniqueness, this life was build for you.

LOVELACE  
Jesus. Even the goddamn metaphors we use put us smack in the middle. Talk about arrogant.  
But that’s one of the things I like- liked about being out here. Space, it...

Beat.

LOVELACE (CONT’D)  
It reminds you of the truth.

SECOND LOVELACE  
(slightly delayed overlap)  
It reminds you of the truth.

LOVELACE  
Without mercy or warning or second chances, it reminds you that life―that the entire _goddamn_ universe―couldn’t give less of a shit about you.

The music cuts off abruptly at the press of of the tape recorder button. Another button is hit and the tape rewinds for a moment before a button is hit once more and the music resumes playing from the beginning of the track.

LOVELACE (CONT'D)  
If it were up to me, I’d say life’s more river than road.  
Always moving. Always changing shape. Slowly, constantly over eons, chipping away at its boundaries.  
A river wasn’t built for the purpose of guiding travelers.

Another iteration of Lovelace speaks, filtered over a communicator like the second, but oriented in the opposite direction from the second (RIGHT). 

THIRD LOVELACE  
A river makes you prove yourself worthy, makes you work for your passage. This river was here before you and will remain long after you are gone.  
You, fragile human in your smallness and your insignificance, are nothing more than an afterthought.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Afterthought. An after...

Beat.

SECOND LOVELACE (CONT’D)  
...thought.

LOVELACE  
Every single person who has ever lived and every single person who will ever live is gonna travel the same river. And still, no two people will ever touch the same water. Not even close.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Same river, different water.

THIRD LOVELACE  
Same world, different lives.

LOVELACE  
But that’s not the thing we all get the most wrong.

The tape player button clicks, stopping the music, then clicks once more. The music resumes but plays in reverse. Over top of the next line of narration, the sound of a tape fast-forwarding grows louder.

LOVELACE (CONT'D)  
See, we don’t walk or travel or even move through life the way everyone thinks we do.

  
The fast-forwarding sound cuts off, leaving silence.

LOVELACE (CONT'D)  
Truth is, you move the way a rower moves:

Beat.

LOVELACE (CONT'D)  
Facing backwards.

The music resumes.

SECOND LOVELACE  
You can see where you’ve been-

THIRD LOVELACE  
-but not where you’re going.

LOVELACE  
You can see the water moving along beside you―the way it’s pushing you toward something you can’t yet see. _Won’t_ see until you’ve passed it.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Your boat is steered by a younger version of yourself.

THIRD LOVELACE  
One who is just _that_ much more inexperienced, _that_ much more ignorant, _that_ much more foolish.

LOVELACE  
You never know what’s just ahead of you. That’s the nature of it. Time and hindsight and all that shit. You don’t know about the rapids and the boulders and the mangled, mashed debris of your dead crew just up ahead-

Lovelace cuts herself off, overcome with emotion. The Second Lovelace jumps in.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Because how could you? How could you have known?

THIRD LOVELACE  
_How_ could you have _known_ it would end like this?

LOVELACE  
But that’s the thing. It _doesn’t_. End, I mean. The water keeps moving. It doesn’t care.

THIRD LOVELACE  
Up here, in the cold and the dark and the empty. You are an afterthought.

LOVELACE  
You don’t know what you have until it’s gone and all that, right?

BEAT.

LOVELACE (CONT’D)  
And then you realize―realize that _you_ are the version who was inexperienced and ignorant and foolish.

The Second and Third Lovelaces begin to jump in over then ends of the previous statements, overlapping the beginnings and ends of lines.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Have always been.

THIRD LOVELACE  
Are _always_ going to be.

LOVELACE  
It’s all laid out for you: every decision you could have made, every mistake you _did_ make. All of it so _goddamn_ clear to you now that you’re past it.

SECOND LOVELACE  
That’s the nature of it.

LOVELACE  
And then, there it is. The horror-show crime scene of everything you have ever loved strewn in bloody pieces across _everything_ you can see.

The music cuts out with a glitching whine.

In the silence following, Lovelace lets out a breath.

The the tape is audibly rewound before a button on it is pressed and the music starts once more. It plays uninterrupted for a few full seconds before the narrations starts once more.

LOVELACE (CONT'D)  
Don’t look. Don’t _look_. Focus on the work. Fix the shuttle.

Percussive "flashback" sound - FLASH.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Blood on Lambert’s hands.

LOVELACE  
(through clenched teeth)  
_Focus_. Don’t look. Don’t stop moving.

  
FLASH.

THIRD LOVELACE  
Blood on Hui’s face.

LOVELACE  
_Stop_ it. Stop _looking_.

FLASH. The sounds increase in frequency and begin to randomly pulse over each other.

The lines begin over top of the tail ends of the previous lines.

SECOND LOVELACE  
You can’t see anything else.

THIRD LOVELACE  
You can’t see anything else.

SECOND LOVELACE  
There’s nothing else to see. Just the black just past the windows.

THIRD LOVELACE  
Just the black and the _everything_ you’ve lost.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Everyone who trusted you. Everyone you might have-

THIRD LOVELACE  
- _could have_ but _didn’t_ save-!

The pulse gears up with a high tone and hits just as the music cuts out.

The Second and Third Lovelaces whisper fiercely from the right and left in the silence.

SECOND LOVELACE - SIMULTANEOUS  
_They died because of you-_!

THIRD LOVELACE - SIMULTANEOUS  
_They died because of you-_!

The moment of silence hangs for a moment.

LOVELACE  
Because you move the way a rower does:

Beat.

LOVELACE (CONT'D)  
Facing backwards.

The music begins playing again.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Because you are always-

THIRD LOVELACE  
-will _always_ be-

LOVELACE  
-just a little _too_ inexperienced and a little _too_ ignorant and a little _too_ foolish.

Beat.

THIRD LOVELACE  
And you’re pretty sure they died because of it.

LOVELACE  
But you don’t have time for this kind of thing, do you? You have a job to do.

SECOND LOVELACE  
That’s right. Keep working. Stay in the now. Keep your eyes shut.

THIRD LOVELACE  
Keep the oars moving. The river is going to pull you whether you like it or not.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Don’t look at anything.

THIRD LOVELACE  
Because it _is_ anything. _Everything_.

LOVELACE  
Just focus on moving.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Don’t look back.

THIRD LOVELACE  
(a bit desperate)  
_Stop looking back._

SECOND LOVELACE  
But that’s the only way you can look, isn’t it?

THIRD LOVELACE  
How do you stop looking back?

LOVELACE  
(through clenched teeth)  
How do I _stop-_?!

Beat.

LOVELACE (CONT’D)  
(fragile)  
How do I stop seeing it?

Lovelace takes in an uneven breath, letting it out in a shaky exhale.

LOVELACE (CONT’D)  
Look out the windows. Remember where you are. The river doesn’t care what it shows you. The river doesn’t care where it takes you. Remember that.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Humans. Arrogant, self-obsessed bunch.

THIRD LOVELACE  
The word your looking for is _hubris_ , Captain.

LOVELACE  
They’re dead. You’re alive.  _Keep going_.

SECOND LOVELACE  
Fragile human in your smallness and your insignificance...

THIRD LOVELACE  
You’re nothing more than an afterthought.

Lovelace laughs a bitter, self-deprecating laugh before letting out a defeated breath.

The music plays on its own for a few seconds before the tape recorder clicks, a button is pressed and the audio ends.

END SCENE

 

**Author's Note:**

> Still unsure of how I feel about how this came out. Comments and kudos always appreciated!  
>   
> [fanfic/podfic blog](http://zoe-bug.tumblr.com/) | [personal](http://xiexiecaptain.tumblr.com/) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/xiexiecaptain)


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